Monthly Archives: August 2006

tHe cRaziEsT nOyPi JOkEs…

MAKE ME FEEL

A plane s abwt 2 crash.

A frantic virgin strips off and says

"Can any1 make me feel lyk a wyf b4 i die?"

So a man takes off hs clothes and says..

"PAKIPLANTSA!"

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Walang Imikan

INGGO : Pareng Tibo, bakit mukhang malungkot
ka?

TIBO : Pare nag-away kami ni misis at ang sabi
niya di raw ako kakausapin ng isang buwan.

INGGO : Di sana magpakasaya ka pare, at walang
putak ng putak sa harapan mo !

TIBO : Pare, naging masaya nga ako eh, pero
huling araw na kasi ngayon !

***********************************

Pugad

Army: May nakita ka bang pugad ng NPA dito sa
bundok?

Tagabundok: Sa tagal ko dito sa bundok,
wala pa akong nakita kahit isa; Ano po bang kulay
ng itlog nila???

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Wats wrong with My Parade?

Isang pinoy ang nahuli na nag-park sa
america…pag lapit ng pulis, tanong ng
pinoy…why? whats wrong with my parade?

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Ipis!

Isang araw nagulat ang among noon nakita nya na
maraming ipis sa bahay nya, kumuha sya nang
chalk para pang patay sa ipis.

Amo: Yaya ito ang chalk pang patay ito sa ipis,
isulat mo sa pader

Yaya: Opo Ma’am

Isang umaga nagising ang amo at nagulat sa
nakita nya sa pader………………………… ……

IPIS! MAMATAY KAYONG LAHAT!

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Ngongo

May ngongong nagpapa atras ng jeep. Sabi nya
kanal pero hindi nya masabi ng tama.
pagkakaintindi ng driver kanan kaya kumanan ung
jeep. at nahulog ito sa kanal.

Ang Gulay at Saranggola

Nanay : Anak lutuin mo na yung gulay para may
makain na tayo
Anak : ‘Nay maya na BC pa po ako eh
Nanay : Bakit anak ano ba ginagawa mo
Anak : Eto pong saranggola ko
Nanay : Bakit anak makakain mo ba yang
saranggola
Anak : Bakit ‘nay mapapalipad nyo ba ang gulay?

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Juan At Pedro

Juan at Pedro sa Math Class
Teacher: juan 3+1
juan: 4 po mam
Teacher: Very good! O Pedro 1 divided by 4
Pedro: Ayan, ayan pag mahirap na sa akin,
favoritism?

***********************************

SINAING

NANAY: Anak, damihan mo sinaing kasama pusa’t aso.
ANAK: opo nay.
makalipas ang isang oras….
NANAY: lintek! bakit may pusa sa sinaing?
ANAK: Hindi ko na nga po isinama ang aso kase
hindi na kasya….

***********************************

Subject Science

Titser: Our lesson for today is Science…What is science?
Pedro: Maam!!!MaaM!!!!Ako mam alam ko answer!!!
Titser: Yes Pedro What is science?!!!
Pedro: Maam!! Science is our lesson for today!!!

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Sus!

Hating gabe sa balete drive may nasiraan ng kotse
at nag-iisip siya ng paraan na maayos ito hanggat
sa nakakita siya ng isang matandang lalake tapos
nakita rin siya ng matanda lumapit sa kanya ang
matanda at nag tanong.

Matanda: Bakit ka nandito ng ganitong oras

Lalake: Nasiraan po kasi ako ng kotse

Nag-abot ng libro ang matanda sa lalake

lalake: para saan po ito”

Matanda: bilin mo yan ng 1000 pesos sa akin tapos basahin mo makakauwi ka, kaagad pero wag mo titignan yung likod ng libro na yan kung titingnan mo magsisi ka.

Lalake: Ok

Pagkatpus noon binasa ng lalake ang libro. Inayos ang kotse at nakauwi. Noong nasa bahay na s’ya
hindi siya nakatulog bigla kinuha nya yung libro at nakasulat sa likod.

National Bookstore
P49.50

Lalake: Sus

ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES…

Along a highway in Pampanga:
"WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"

On a self-service restaurant in Cebu:
"PLEASE HELP OUR COMFORT ROOM CLEAN"

In a Baguio grocery:
"FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"

In Cubao:
"NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"

Along Luneta Boulevard:
"BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"

On Jeepney and Bus signs:
"BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON BEFORE GET THE OFF"

On a flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
"WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS"

On a delivery truck:
"NOT FOR HERE"

On window of a restaurant in Baguio:
"WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"

On a street in San Juan:
"BAWAL MAGTAPON NG BINALOT NA TAE RITO"

A grafitti inside th e cubicle of a ladies’ C.R. in a university:
"PLEASE DON’T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE A QUEEN."

At a men’s comfort room, above a urinal:(maybe from UP Diliman dorm)
"HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN!!!"

At a construction site in Mandaluyong:
"BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG"

Somewhere along San Andres:
"NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS!"

Vacant lot near Makati Avenue:
"DON’T PARKING!!!"

At an eatery in Cebu:
"WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!"

Sa pader ng Intramuros:
"MARUNONG K BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG UMI-IHI DITO!"
And this is the best of them all…para sa mga abugado ito…. (no offends
ha?)

On a building somewhere in the Philippines:
"NOTARY PUBLIC, TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA KUNG LINGGO."

A sign in Layte!

" Trespassers will be shot! Survivors will be shot AGAIN!!! "

package…

yeyek got the packages i sent 🙂 thank God she loved it…

she also got the chance to meet my uncle and auntie… they took pictures emoticon

(all for now… i just made the post for diary purposes hehe) ciao!

Lets Talk Serious about Security

 

E-Council Security Summit
September  11-12, 2006

Monday –  Tuesday | 9am-5pm
Penthouse East Tower
Philippine Stock Exchange Bldg
Ortigas Center, Pasig City, Philippines
Fee: P 3,995.00 / participant
(msg me at my ym : dw_poell if u are ordering tickets in bulk so i could have u discounted as much as 50% off)

Highlights:

  • Ethical Hacking and Countermeasures
  • Computer Hacking Forensics Investigation
  • Wireless Network Architecture
  • Disaster Recovery

Your ticket includes :

Four (4) certificates of each topic and also four (4) Seminar Manuals/Training Kits.
 
– Get a chance to win free training
– Enjoy free Meals : AM Snacks, Lunch and PM Snacks
– Avail of give aways and promotional items
– get as much as 50% discounts on other courses and seminars

 
GLOBAL KNOWLEDGE ASSOCIATES, INC.
2502B West Tower, PSE Bldg. Exchange Rd.
Ortigas Center, Pasig City, Philippines
Phone: (632) 683-0969 | 637-3657
Fax: (632) 637-3657
E-mail: [email protected]
URL: www.globalknowledgeph.com

 

 

von voyage cuz!

awww vacations over for my cuzins’ rd and alvin.. (of course with tita ibe and kuya ine too)

we’ll be going to the airport early 2:30am tomorrow. yeah… hatid namin sila. actually we just got home from vfl subd., noveleta. had a little family despedida and we helped them out packed thier stuffs. I dont know what’s with me but im loving fishes for the past few days – even weeks. specially daing na galunggong. YUMMY!!! emoticon

 

anyway, me and my bro had a little chat with cuzin alvin… here’s some nice things id like to share and i find it interesting.

  • 6.75$ Per hour is the minimum wage. Lower than that is illegal and they call it "under the table."
  • There’s no volcano in California (as opposed to the movie Volcano). Tita Ibe works near at the place where it was shot (the fountain spot)
  • Hurricanes Tornado dont hit L.A. it happens it the mid-east part of the country.
  • Sale or Out-of-Style is after 6 months an item was released. Billabong/Quiksilver prices goes down from $24+ up to a 1 digit 9$ and below price mark.
  • Its prohibited to build houses made of concretes. They say it’ll collapse on earthquakes.
  • This is quite interesting : The "white" ones doesnt want to do stuff like wiping some others’ asses (and more things that nurses do) thats why they prefer other races like asians, mexicans, etc. No wonder they say "nursing" is in demand.

the other things i learned was quite general and i need not to cite some of it.